New Year, Nothing Different

Today was the first day of the new year.  Nothing much happened, everything is pretty much the same.  Same house, body, mind and there was still 60 seconds in minute.  As I waited for this day to go by I thought about what I could do different this year.

I thought about changing the way I think but, I simply can’t.  I’ll (most likely) always have a dark mind and continue to make sure it doesn’t affect those around me.  I’m actually pretty good at it, which is why when I see other people’s simple “bad day” effect those around them, I hate it.

I thought about being less playful and maybe people might take me a bit more seriously.  But, I simply can’t.  I still get taken seriously by those who know me, but other than that, to most people I have to deal with, I’m still just some kid though I’m technically a “young adult”.

Maybe I should actually be more committed to my goals.  I’m slowly but surely achieving my goals but I think I could be a lot more dedicated to doing the work.  As far as school is concerned, I’ve always had problems.  Sure, I was able to graduate second highest in high school but I never thought grades should define what I could do.  And now, in college grades are everything and I just can’t do that good.

This eventually led to another thing I could change which is my wanting to always do the opposite of what’s typically expected of me by “the system”.  Bucking the system only goes so far.  I should consider just studying everyday for a class that’s irrelevant to my goals for once.

All these things I figured aren’t worth changing.  They’re key parts of my personality which has their bad and good sides.  Sure, I think sadistic thoughts that shouldn’t be thought of (or spoken of) but though it tends to turn me into a worrier, over-thinker, scare, and cause re-occurring thoughts that haunt me to this day; it keeps my imagination and creativity alive as well as causes me to raise questions about the world.  Being playful, though can give the signal that I’m not a serious person, in all seriousness, I love being underestimated and being playful makes me bearable to be around.  Being less committed to my goals then others allows me to seek other things to make me happy.  I’m sure if I we’re to look under microscope and research constantly, I eventually would get tired of it earlier on in my life.  And, me not bucking the system on some things would mean the other 3 major parts of my personality would be obsolete.

So, nothing is new so far for me this year that would be out of the ordinary.  Of course there will be new experiences, but that comes with every year.  I can’t make a significant change to myself because you don’t always have to fix what’s broken.  I have a lot that’s coming up this year and my personality got me pretty far enough.  Another thing that got me far was music and my love of visuals, which this new Jay-Z video for “On To The Next One”, has both of.  Apparently the overly religious don’t like it, some think it’s satanic but….well, it’s just a song and I love it!

[Via http://sensicology.wordpress.com]